fabric I screen-printed circa 2000
Since I last blogged, much of my life has been consumed with clearing out and relocating my husband’s lifetime collection of woodworking tools and equipment, camping equipment, sports equipment, books, records, collections and hobbies. He was a collector while I am more of a downsizer; not using it, get-rid-of-it type of gal.
When I consider my own stash, my collection of fabrics and equipment, my quilts and artwork, and what will become of it when I am gone, I primarily think that will not be my problem! Which in retrospect he likely shared that philosophy without ever publicly stating it. And yet I did not want to saddle myself or our daughter with a lifetime of his stuff, not being used, so I hired organizers to sort, clean, price, host an estate sale, relocate, donate and clean up afterwards. What a huge relief to have that taken care of.
So it is curious and odd to me that today I went to a quilters sale, at the library. I actually went twice because the area was so crowded with other adjacent weekend activities, that there was no parking anywhere, except maybe a mile out and at 92 degrees no way was I going to pack it in. So I came home and went back later towards the end of the sale.
large pieces of batik
When I walked into the room I saw many tables heaped with piles of picked through fabric. It was a bit overwhelming at first, until I developed a plan. I was only going to buy large pieces that I could use for quilt backs. I did find a few pieces of batik that others neglected to see and got those as well. And a gorgeous piece of handwoven Guatemalan cotton because I know better than to pass that up. On one of the tables in the back of the room, a small piece of orange cotton spoke to me. I picked it up and recognized it immediately. I had screen-printed that piece of fabric way back when I first started doing surface design, and the owner likely purchased it from me then, some of which she had used.
I filled a huge cotton shopping bag with cloth. It weighed in at 9 lbs, which cost me a paltry $45. I spoke briefly to the owner of this enormous stash, who sat there in her dementia and smiled but clearly did not know me, or why I was going through her stuff. And the whole episode just made me so sad.
Kathy was a master at making sensational pieced quilts for herself and others. It made me sad that her life’s work, was heaped in piles on tables in the library, pawed over and picked through. And yet so much remained. It made me sad that her two daughters are not only dealing with their remaining parent lost in the haze of dementia, but have this huge responsibility to relocate all that has brought her joy for the past 50 years.
I guess that was why it was imperative to me to go, even though it required two trips on a very hot Saturday. It was important to me to let them know I appreciated all they are doing for their mother, and that I see them.
After I got home and sorted through the haul, ever grateful for the cleanliness of the cloth, I thought about my own daughter and how it is imperative to me to use up as much as I can, while I can. The irony in all this is knowing when it is time to go through your own stuff. I believe my husband was unable to do so as it meant facing his own mortality. And a person with dementia is just plain unaware. So the mystery remains, when is the time to let go of some of your stuff so it does not become a burden for others? Of course my bringing more cloth into my studio today could have just added to that question but I do find consolation in that annually I go through my stash and donate some to a charity that specializes in textiles. Or perhaps for every bag brought in, another bag goes out philosophy?!
As my hubs used to always say (in reference to his job as a first responder), don’t leave a mess for someone else to clean up. Never was that more obvious than today.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The blog was very sobering and introspective. I have had some of the same thoughts about my stuff. I didn’t have a problem with Kincy and Grace having to deal with my stuff, but as I have aged and seen my friend’s family having to deal with their stuff, I am slowly having a change of heart. Their children are just overwhelmed. There will be stuff to deal with, but I need to take care of some of this stuff before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
Thanks Rachel for your comment. Sober and introspective seems to be the way of my world these days as I navigate this new path.
The Guatemalan fabrics are fabulous. I’m glad you snapped them up. And you raise some thoughtful questions. When is the time to let go of your stuff, so that you aren’t a burden to your children? I don’t know, but I think the time is now to let go of the easy stuff, that I don’t need or use or care about. Thanks for your post.
Yes, knowing when to give it up so as to not be a burden vs. how long to do what we love, is the big question! Which is why I try to sort through my studio annually and relocate things I have not used in years. It turns out “someday’ is now!
Such an important post, Carol. The deal is we always think we have more time that we do – or we are too far gone to do much sorting. There are a few exceptions to that on my life, but still it is a huge job. So far done this 3 times for deceased relatives. I’ve unloaded a lot of my own big stuff – AVL looms, expensive knitting machines, wool carding machine – so I could travel with the money – rather than have my daughters deal with it. I slowly unload fabrics, art materials, yarns- but surely not enough. I do have guild people and friends lined up – though of course I would rather decide where it goes. When you love all textile and art endeavors, it is a challenge. If my daughters knew how much I spent on some of this, they would surely lock me up.
Love those batiks. I didn’t know about the sale, but then I was in Dixon, at the LambTown festival. Buying yarn I surely don’t need.
Congratulations for your progress and for feeling that grief and for writing a most timely article.
Thank you Cate! As you well know letting go of things we no longer use is liberating. And yet, why when I no longer knit do I still have some yarn?! Not much, but some…
So many thoughts here… I love being the one to sort through my Mom’s, my Grama’s, and I’m pretty sure my Great-Grama’s sewing and craft items. The bulk of which is ivory crochet thread (in perfect condition, probably 70 years old), yarn before UPC labels, and fabric ~ lots of it. Knitting needles, crochet hooks, etc. As I look through these things, I wonder “when was their last creation or project?” I found a partially made lace tablecloth, which I enjoy using as a piece in my sewing room. I have so much to sort, purge, and share ~ hoping it will mean something to someone. But at this point, it is me. I treasure the things each woman in my mother’s line touched. Inspired to downsize, or label for posterity and enjoy for now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Carol. Estate sales are heartbreaking!
Indeed, they are, Diane! Several years ago when I worked on the Defining Moments series, I made several pieces using those heirlooms my ancestors knit, stitched, tatted, wove, etc. It was liberating; and making 2 pieces from many, many handmade objects was really good reuse!
Yes, that resonates! Brave to go twice in that heat. You just have to think ‘lCreate something from your forebears’ various bits, and adding to your own. I’m going to remember that to help me downsize. In my case it’s not fabric, it’s their dishes! And photos from my maternal line stretching back to the beginning of photography! And my own peculiar collections of various seasonal and holiday decor. And my continuation of mom’s pitcher collection. I think I’m ready to downsize the El Dia de Los Muertos items to what one altar can hold. We’re holding each questionable item to the ‘do I need to die with this?’ standard. And let someone else love it. 💋
Exactly! Good to go through our own stuff because the longer we wait, the less likely it is someone else will want to collect it!
It’s 2 AM as I read this. I was tossing and turning unable to sleep. My friend went into hospice last Saturday and I found out at that time I’m her executor and the household goods are to be split between another friend and myself.
I’m looking at the lifelong rock collection of a 90 year old to move out of the house. Oh how I wish it was fabric instead!
The week before I was at the studio of another mentor and friend who has passed, she was 100 years old, picking out artwork and supplies. I was careful to only come home with supplies I knew I’d use.
I’ll be doing some cleaning out of my own house soon so that my nieces won’t be stuck with it all. And I’ll try not to drag home too many of the rocks. Though I do have my eye on a large chunk of petrified wood.
A lifelong rock collection…oh my! I do not envy that one, although not to be crass but rocks can simply be placed in nature; in many places of nature! It just may be the best thing ever to collect!!! Good luck Barbara!
All good questions posed and pondered here. I don’t have children. But after downsizing from our home in Oakland to a condo in Portland the limited space I have dictates not WEHN but HOW OFTEN I sort through my belongings and move some on. Actually, I’ve had a life-long habit of doing this at least once a year; I’d say I do it at least twice a year now. Early in the summer I did a shelf-by-shelf purging in my studio. I had several boxes of fabric and other supplies neatly stacked aside. We had friends visit that I knew would be happy to take the boxes. Shari kept about half and she shared the rest with family that she was going to visit when she left Portland. I felt so good about it! Bonus: Shari has already used every scrap of the fabric. *sigh* The Universe is happy!